How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
