One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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