take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
