There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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