Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
