what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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