He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Randomize
