just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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