Do you still have your period?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
