He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
This house was built for laser tag.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
