i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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