my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
