The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
