all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
