I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
