Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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