Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
