I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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