now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
