I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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