He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
