Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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