also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
