i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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