10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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