I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
did you just send me my own nude
She has the best kind of daddy issues
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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