dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
