I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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