I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
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