The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
