Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize