I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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