dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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