And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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