Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize