? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
