toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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