So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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