if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
