I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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