you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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