well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
