She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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