Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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