you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
