I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
