Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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