Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
