god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
