Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
