I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
