bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
