the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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