I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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