Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
