Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
