So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
