I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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