some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
