Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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