is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I did not marry a roomba.
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