I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
