Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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