She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
