Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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