woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
