How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
