Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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