That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
