New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
