Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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