that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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