Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
