wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
