I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
