I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
