Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
