Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize