i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
