I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
