i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
