I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We left the knife in your bed.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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