Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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