i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
