remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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