I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize