Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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