hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
