I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
