Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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